Friday, December 31, 2010

Some recent finished projects

We traveled over the holiday, and this is what I did to keep myself busy:

All items are now available for sale at Up and Dyed (mom's store). I basically knitted like a mad woman for a week and got it all done. Now that I have restocked my inventory there a bit, I'm back on the commission train. I've got 3 multi-item orders to keep my busy through the next month.
I felt baby girl from the outside for the first time last night. It's hard to believe she's getting so big in there, and so active! She's beebopping around in there right now actually. She's carrying lower than R. did at this point. I feel her way down in my pelvis most of the time. The OB says that's not unusual, things are more stretched out and relaxed in there the second time around. I have a lot more ligament pain this time. And the heartburn is unreal. I have to go back for a second ultrasound because they didn't get all the pictures they wanted the first time. I get tired easily, but for the most part I still feel pretty good.

We had a pretty good Christmas. R. got a nice haul of cool new toys. Mostly kitchen pretend play things. He adores it all. We were gone from home for over a week, and everyone was really glad to be back home. I doubt we'll travel next year for Christmas with both the kids. It's just too hard.

Thursday, December 16, 2010

It's A

GIRL! According to the ultrasound tech anyway. I didn't see the goods for myself. With R. is was obvious, even before they told me. I'm still getting used to the idea. We haven't picked out a name yet. I think that will help. I keep pushing J. to talk about it, but he never wants to. I *need* the baby to have a name. It helps me feel connected. Here's her first picture:

And speaking of pictures, I have some more knitting pictures to post:

I actually made two of these mohawk hats, to match.

Sunday, December 12, 2010

easy microwave fudge

This is, hands down, the easiest fudge recipe in the history of fudge. It's also impossible to mess up, and yields really scrumptious results.

3c chips (semi-sweet, extra dark, white, milk, peanut butter, whatever combination you want!)
1 14oz can sweetened condensed milk
4tbs butter

combine in a glass bowl, heat in microwave for about 1.5 mins. take it out, stir until throughly combined. heat for another 30sec if necessary to melt the rest of the butter. At this stage, you can add nuts, marshmellows, mint extract, orange zest, whatever you want. line a 9x9 pan with wax paper or plastic wrap, pour the fudge in the pan, let it set in the fridge until hard. store in an air tight container.

Friday, December 3, 2010

knitting, etc.

SO busy this last month! I've been feverishly knitting, pushing through commissions. Since my last post, I've completed 3 more hats, most of a 4th, and part of a scarf as well. We also had Thanksgiving somewhere in there, and a trip to see my elderly, dieing grandfather. I've got one more order to get done, then with some luck, I'll have time to do a couple of Christmas gifts, or pieces for the shop (where I am about sold out). I've had to turn work down, simply because I don't have time. I'm a one woman show, and I have a toddler and a house to keep up with as well. I'll try to get some more pictures posted soon. I think so far, I've made close to $440 since the beginning of October. Goodness knows we've needed the extra cash.

Pregnancy still seems to be going well. Baby moves a lot, all day long. 2 more weeks and we'll find out the gender.

R. is a typical two year old right now, and occupies nearly all my time and 110% of my patients and energy. We were diaper free during the day before our Thanksgiving trip, now we've hit our first major regression. It's been hard. He's also stopped sleeping all night in his bed, which is also hard, more on me than J. I really need the rest.

Thursday, November 11, 2010

Long time, no post

Things have been busy the last few weeks, and I haven't found much time or motivation to post. We enjoyed our vacation a lot. We got to see some snow last week up in the mountains where we were staying. We also did a car swap. We took my grandfather's car, and my sister took our old car. We've got more room and fewer miles now. There will be room for two carseats, and then some to spare.

I've been knitting up a storm lately, pushing through several commissions. I'm working on the last one right now. I'll post some pictures when I am all done. I'm doing a new style hat, one with ear flaps that come down, and strings that tie. They are very cute, and much easier than I had once supposed.

Pregnancy is going well as far as I can tell. I feel the baby move, and I feel good most days. Tired sometimes. But that's just from having a toddler and a ton of house work and very little help.

We found out we will be moving to an AFB in Warner Robins, GA a few weeks before the baby is due- around the 1st of April.

Sunday, October 24, 2010

We saw...

The baby bean Friday morning. Well, J. saw it, the nurse stood and blocked my view the whole time. But it was wiggling around in there and everything looked good so far. I'm feeling good most of the time. I'm still bothered by smells and meat. It's really hard to eat meat that I've cooked and J. is really unhappy with meatless meals. When we go out, 9 times of out 10, it's to a place he wants to go to, that makes me nauseous. It's been hard. I do better when the meat is in tiny bits mixed in with other stuff, so I did chili one day last week, and I'm going to try chicken and rice casserole this week, as well as bean and bacon soup.

R. went to his first Halloween party this year, and got to dress up for the first time. He was a lion:

He did trunk or treat, and has been enjoying his loot, especially the dumdum suckers. I don't think we will take him door to door this year, he's still too little and he doesn't need more candy.

I've just about wrapped up my second commission. A child's hat and scarf set, and an infant hat. Hope to have that in the mail Tuesday. After that I have one more commission to fill, then maybe on to some Christmas presents, or adult hats for the shop.

Tuesday, October 19, 2010

A kick in the...

Uterus! Ha! I've started feeling the baby move this week, really move! It gave me a good hard kick Sunday night,and I feel flutters nearly every day. It's very reassuring since we haven't been to hear the the heartbeat yet. We should get to at my next appointment Friday. I won't lie, I am REALLY hoping and looking forward to a quick ultrasound. I would love to see the baby. (and I'm secretly hoping we might even get to find out the gender)

I'm trying to get back into my swim routine. I miss it, my body misses it. I need that alone time. I meant to go yesterday, but R. lost my keys and it took me a good hour to find them, and by then, I didn't really have enough time left to go. So I drug my butt out of the house this morning and went. It felt great, it really did. The pool is really empty on Tues and Thurs mornings, because there aren't any water aerobics classes or swim lessons. R. likes the social play time he gets at the child watch too. He needs that interaction with other kids and adults. I need to keep up with the exercise to help keep my body strong, and my blood pressure down for this pregnancy. And one other surprising thing I've found about swimming is how great it's been for my mental health. I've been out of my routine for nearly a month now, and I'm feeling the old insecurities and anxieties slip back in. Even though I'm not loosing weight yet they way I'd like, I feel better about myself, I feel more confident. It helps me sleep better at night too. No more insomnia, no more sleep paralysis. I still have funky, weird dreams, but I'm blaming a lot of that on pregnancy right now.

Monday, October 11, 2010

Revisiting an old favorite

Carrot, Apple, Raisin Bread is one of my very favorite quick breads. I make it into one loaf and a dozen muffins. Here it is in the form of cupcakes I made for R.'s birthday last year. Today I revisited it a bit, amped it up a notch. I'm calling it Apple Harvest Bread.

Original recipe with my new variation in bold:
3 eggs
1 cup oil 1/2c oil, 1/2c apple cider
1 cup sugar
1 tart apple, grated 2 large apples, blended up in the food processor, almost to mush
2 large carrots, grated
1 cup raisins, soaked then drained
1tbs vanilla
1tbs cinnamon

2 cups whole wheat flour 1c whole wheat, 1c white flour
1tsp salt
1tsp baking soda
1.25tsp baking powder
1 cup chopped pecans or walnuts. went with walnuts, about 2c

It is SO super moist, and very apple-y. It got the toddler seal of approval. I think I like pecans better than walnuts, but they certainly don't take away from the muffins one bit.

Homemade Lara Bars

To be honest, I've never actually eaten a Lara Bar, they are out of my price range. But I've been making these knock offs at home lately. They are a great boost if you need energy, and keep you going for hours. Plus the taste great, are insanely easy to make, and healthy! Yesterday afternoon I blended up 6 new flavors for our family to try.

Basic Recipe (for 2 single serving bars)

1/2c dried fruit (most of the bars include dates)
1/3c nuts (almonds, walnuts, cashews, peanuts)

Following that formula, the flavors I made were: Apricot, PB&J, Blueberry Cobbler, Tropical Delight, Chocolate Chip Brownie, and Chocolate Coconut. I've also made Cherry Pie and Mixed Berry Cobbler on other occasions.

The ingredients:
whole dates, a variety of other dried fruits and nuts, coconut flakes, baking cocoa (not picture were chocolate chips, cinnamon, lemon and lime juice)

The finished product:
from left to right: chocolate chip brownie, blueberry cobbler, apricot, pb&j, tropical delight, chocolate coconut.

What else you need: a knife, a plate or bowl, a food processor or blender (I love my mini Cuisinart for this), and some plastic wrap.

How it works:
-You blend your dried fruit until it clumps together in a paste. It's best to roughly chop the dates prior to blending.
-Dump the fruit paste out onto your plate or bowl, but don't scrap the inside of the food processor too much. Put your nuts in and blend until nice and grainy.
-dump the ground up nuts out next to the fruit paste, then add any spices or seasonings.
-get your hands damp, and begin to blend the nuts and the fruit until you reach your desired consistency. It should be sticking together, and shape-able, but not too sticky. If it's still too sticky, try blend in some more nuts, or if it's not sticking together, add in a bit more fruit paste.
-Divide in half, and shape into two bars (or whatever shape you want!), then wrap tightly in plastic wrap. Store in the fridge.

The recipes:
*Apricot- 6tbs dried apricots, 2tbs dates (enough to make 1/2c), 1/3c almonds, dash of cinnamon.

*PBJ- 1/4c dried cherries, 1/4c raisins, 1/3c peanuts

*Tropical Delight- 1/2c mixed tropical fruit, 1-2tbs shredded coconut, 1-1.5tsp lime juice, 1/3c cashews (blend the coconuts and lime juice with the fruit)

*Blueberry Cobbler- 1/4c dried blueberries, 1/4 dates, 1tsp lemon juice, 1/3c almonds, dash cinnamon.

*Chocolate Coconut- 1/2c dates, 2tbs coconut flakes, 1/6c walnuts, 1/6c almonds, 1tsp unsweetened coco powder. (blend the coco in at the end when you mix the fruit and nuts)

*Chocolate Chip Brownie- 1/2c dates, 1.5tbs chocolate chips, pinch salt, 1/6c walnuts, 1/6c almonds, 1tsp unsweetened coco powder. (mix the chips in with the nuts in the blender. blend the coco in at the end when you mix the fruit and nuts)

*Cherry Pie- 1/4c dried cherries, 1/4c dates, 1/3c almonds, dash cinnamon

*Mixed Berry Cobbler- 1/2c dried mixed berries, 1/3c almonds, dash cinnamon.

Using the basic recipe, you can get as creative as you want with your combinations of fruits, nuts, and seasonings.

original recipe is inspired by this blog post:

Tuesday, October 5, 2010

A Happy Mom Moment

My child is eating carrots. Raw carrots. I'm so happy I could jump and down and shout! Vegetables have been such a battle with him. And fruit hasn't been much better. He loves grapes now, and will eat watermelon, cantaloupe, apples, raisins, dried berries, dried mango. He's even been eating other veggies cooked in soup again. For a long time he even gave up eating soup veggies. Perseverance and patients have been my allies. Every day I offer, and let him see us eating veggies. Eventually he had to come around.

Monday, October 4, 2010

12 weeks

Making it to 12 weeks somehow makes the pregnancy seem more real, more official. Even though we still haven't gotten to hear the heart beat (not until the 22nd of this month) it feels like the danger of miscarrying is mostly past now. I'm feeling increasingly better, almost no nausea, less fatigue, less heartburn, a little more appetite. I'm still craving white potatoes in various forms, baked, mashed, french fries, and glory of glories, potato soup. I'm having to be more careful though with the creamy potato goodness, the pregnancy has made my dairy allergy much worse. I have very little tolerance for it at all right now.

Finally got back to the pool today, it kick my fat ass. But it felt good, and wasn't especially crowed because the weather has cooled off significantly. I swam 17 laps, then my right foot started to cramp inside my fins so I stopped. We'll probably go back tomorrow.

Speaking of cooler weather, I've been changing out R's wardrobe for fall, and he's outgrown nearly all his pants, and about half his shirts from last year. I've had to break down and buy him some clothes. New clothes even, not 2nd or 3rd hand. This is probably the most new clothing he's ever had at once. 3 pair of pants, 4 shirts, a pair of shoes, and a set of pj's. This added to what I picked up at the FM yardsale last month just about has him covered. He might need another set of jammies, and a pack of socks, but they can wait til my next trip to Walmart. It was sad packing away all his too little and summer clothes, he's getting so big! He's in a 3T now except for a few shirts. I won't lie though, I've had fun shopping for him. There are some adorable little boys clothes this year at Target. I'll post some pictures of him strutting his manly little self later :)

Wednesday, September 29, 2010

A slacker am I

It's been a couple of weeks since I've been to the gym. R. and I were gone all last week, and I've been trying to play catch up on everything this week. Hopefully I can get back into the swing of things next week. I miss being in the water. I feel stiff and tired. Ok, part of that is because I am pregnant, but it's also partly because I have been slacking.

The commissions are really rolling in! I've almost finished the big one I got back in August. It's only taken me a month. I've got two more to fill after I'm done with this one. They are smaller, and less complicated, but we're planning a vacation next month, so I'll have to really keep the needles smokin'. Here's one hat I finished last week:
I got a lot of positive response from it on Facebook. It was a new pattern for me, but an easy one. I really need to get me one of these wig heads. The hats look so much better on a head.

Tomorrow is my first prenatal appointment. I'm trying not to get myself all worked up and nervy. I dread going back to Womack. J. is supposed to be coming with me, that makes me feel a lot better. I know what to expect too, that gives me a little edge on the anxiety. I'm nearly done with the first trimester. It's hard to believe. I'm really hoping I will start to feel better very soon. I'm sooo over the nausea.

R. had so much fun on our trip to TN. He really had a blast playing with his aunts and his grandparents. He's old enough to remember them now too, and has been asking about them since we've been home. Missing them. He's become such a little boy in the last few months, I hate that they are missing out on so much. And he's missing out on those relationships. Anyway, here's my new favorite picture of my little dude. I totally didn't pose him either. He got his chair out, plunked down in it with his cup and his copy of Mother Goose.

Monday, September 13, 2010

Creamy Chicken and Rice Soup

2-3 chicken breasts, cubed
3 large carrots, peeled and sliced
3 stalks of celery, chopped
1 carton of chicken stock
salt to taste

bring to a boil, then turn down the heat to medium. meanwhile cook:

2 packages of wild rice (1.5 c rice, 3c water)

when rice is done and veggies are soft add the rice to the soup. add:

2 cans cream of chicken soup

stir until dissolved. let simmer together another 5-10 minutes, then serve.

Monday, September 6, 2010

knitting! hats!!

I haven't posted any knitting in a while, but that's not because I haven't done any! I'm just a lazy blogger.

Here we have 3 newborn/infant hats:

And a hat that's part of a commission:

And a toddler sized hat, and an adult scarf:

Sunday, September 5, 2010

exercise bleg

oops, I mean blog. I skipped a day this last week :( First time since I started swimming back in June. only 2750 yards last week. I felt like such crap yesterday. Plus Joe wanted to spend the morning at the lake with his boat. And while that was fun, it wasn't really a work out, not for me anyway. I stood/sat on the shore and watched the boys go out. I was nauseous, monstrously grumpy, and exhausted all day. It seems now that no matter what I do, or what I eat, the nausea settles in mid-morning and doesn't budge until I go to sleep at night. 4 more weeks of this awful first trimester to live through.

What's worse about skipping the gym yesterday, is that the next few weeks are going to be super busy, and I don't know if I will be able to make it 4x a week this week. The next week will be a little better, but the week after next R. and I will be at my mom's all week. No gym at all that week. We're looking forward to seeing grandma though, and the aunts.

Thursday, September 2, 2010

Almost Diaper Free

I've been amazed this week at how well R. has done with the potty. He's going on it exclusively as long as we are at home. We even made a couple of diaper free trips away from the house today. He staid dry the whole time, both trips, but then wet himself as soon as we walked in the door. So that's something we're going to have to work on. It seems like maybe he's holding it until we get back home, then can't make it to the potty. He's even been getting all his poops in the potty, with one exception when he got distracted playing and didn't make it to the potty in time. We also still have to have a dipe at night, and probably will for some time yet, but that's ok with me.

Sunday, August 29, 2010


I decided I would try something new with R. in an effort to get him into going on the potty. Every pee in the pot earns him a sticker. We introduced it yesterday, but he didn't get much diaper free time. Today he's been diaper free a majority of the day, and we've had zero accidents. 5 pees in the potty so far, and one poop in a diaper. In my cowardice, I put a diaper on him for his after lunch poop. I couldn't deal with the possibility of having to clean poop up off the floor today, and he almost always goes about 30 minutes after lunch. (then I made dh change R.'s diaper, hehehe). He had been doing soso up until now with the potty, going occasionally, but still making puddles on the floor. Today was SO DIFFERENT! He recognized when he needed to go, and went. On his potty. Every time.
I decided to try stickers, rather than a candy treat, because he is very into them right now, and I don't like the idea of using sweets as a reward. I found him several pages of different kinds of stickers. Right now we are on Tonka trucks and cars. I also have some Thomas trains, and some animals, and maybe one other kind, I don't remember.
We did put a diaper on him when we went out later today, and I noticed that he didn't tell us when he peed in it. I think it will be a while before we can leave the house diaper free, but today was a really encouraging start!

I think we might be in the weaning process. Not entirely sure, but he's nursing a WHOLE lot less lately, and he's become a bottomless pit for solid foods. He'll nurse around 7:30AM right before he gets up, then frequently not nurse again until 3PM. then maybe once before dinner, and again at bedtime, then his 5/6AM suckle. So we're down to 4 or 5x a day, which is a drastic decrease. I know my supply has begun to drop, because now when he goes 7 and 8 hours without nursing, I am not engorged- where as I would have been before the pregnancy. I'm not pushing him one way or the other. I DO try to offer him food and drink before nursing, to see if that will satisfy him, and frequently it does. I will probably be a little sad if he weans, but I feel good because we did meet our goal of nursing until age 2. I would like for him to continue to get the benefits of nursing as long as he can, but if he weans, he weans. It has been a very precious time that I will always cherish, regardless of when it ends.

Saturday, August 28, 2010

weekly swim log, etc.

3850 yards swum this week.

I'm pretty much recovered from R.'s party, getting ready for it, then the day of just about exhausted me. It took a few days, but I'm finally back up to speed- which is still pretty slow most of the time. Feeling pretty good though. No more swelling in my feet, no real nausea yet. No food aversions yet, thank god. Still very tired by the end of the day. I could go for a nap about 3, but R. stopped taking them a couple months ago, so no luck there. I did go Friday and take a blood test at our clinic on base. It was positive. So now Monday or Tuesday I have to call and set up my first prenatal appointment. I am really disappointed this is the route I have to take. But with such a great possibility of us moving before the baby is due, we simply can't afford to pay out of pocket for a Midwife, if we aren't going to deliver with her.

I've been knitting along a little at a time on the first hat in a commission of 3 hats and a scarf. Now that I have finished the ribbing, it should speed up. It's nice because once again, I get to use stashed yarn. I've been trying hard to use stuff out of my stash lately since I have so much put back. I never did take pictures of the newborn hats I finished. I should do that.

Still no word on orders yet, or where we might be going next. J. says now they've told him 2nd week of September. Sooo, about two more weeks, since this month is almost over.

Saturday, August 21, 2010

weekly swim log

3500yards this week. Not bad for a fat, tired, pregnant lady. I did 20 laps today, and 20 yesterday, 13 on Wednesday, and 17 on Monday. My feet and legs were starting to cramp towards the end of today's swim. 20 twice in a row is hard. But I needed to make up for only doing 13 on Wed. I didn't leave myself enough time that day, to get a whole work out in.

Monday, August 16, 2010

Let the...

swelling and fatigue begin. Bleh. I am beyond exhausted today, and my feet and ankles are swollen and sore. I think I did too much today. I did 17 laps in the gym, groceries, then portraits for R.'s birthday (in one week!) Here's a sampling:

He is absolutely, hands down, one of the most beautiful children ever :)

We're having a little party for him this year, on Sunday. When you ask him about his birthday, he tells you that there will be cupcakes :)

Saturday, August 14, 2010

weekly swim log

3575yds for the week, over a 4 day span. I'm still having issues with my fins chaffing my toes, even with the swim shoes. So I got online today and found a product called swim socks that I am hoping will finally solve my problem.

So far still pregnant. Told my mom today, she's very excited. I'm still feeling pretty good, but starting to get a twinge of nausea when I don't eat often enough, especially in the morning if I don't eat breakfast. I'm wicked tired in the afternoons, and fall asleep almost as soon as my head hits the pillow at night. Ug, and can we say, discharge??

Wednesday, August 11, 2010

Officially Late

Period is officially late today. I've continued to test positive, and the lines are getting a little darker every day. So far so good. We haven't told our families yet, and I need to get in touch with a local midwife to see if she can see me. I think we are both really interested in having this baby at home if at all possible.

Saturday, August 7, 2010

weekly swim log, etc.

3500yds swum in the pool this week. I want to keep up my exercise routine. I feel a lot better. I sleep a lot better- even on the days I don't go.

The last week or so I have been knitting infant hats to go to the shop. They knit up really quickly, and they are so cute. So far I have almost 3 finished. Still weaving in the ends on the 3rd. I'll have to take a picture when they are all done.

Friday, August 6, 2010


Wheeeeeeeeeee!! at just 11dpo, I got a faint BFP last night, and a digital confirmation this morning. If everything goes well, we'll be welcoming a new little one into the world sometime during the 3rd week of April, 2011 (edd of the 21st). I only tested so early because of the awful nausea I'm having already.

Wednesday, August 4, 2010


My inlaws are driving me up the fucking wall this week. J. failed PT last month, so now he has one more chance to pass or he'll get discharged. He's on remedial PT for about a month, then he has to retest. His mother is acting like it's the end of the world, this huge family emergency. She's been in orbit over it. She's gotten my bil all stirred up. She's been calling J. and harassing him almost daily. She's calling me too, but I refuse to take her calls. I know exactly what she will say, and I absolutely will not be badgered by her about J.'s diet and exercise. Nor will I nag him about it. And I'm not especially worried about it. By and large I cook healthy nutritious foods, and he's working out 6 days a week now. He's trying really hard because he doesn't necessarily want a general discharge. It wouldn't be the end of the world, but he would lose his GI Bill, and VA benefits. What it really comes down to is she can't the thought of him leaving the air force. Well it's going to happen, sooner or later. She has this fantasy that when she no longer get child support for my sil, J. or M. will move back in and support her. Because she won't get a job and support herself. She thinks we're going to buy her land and build her a house and let her live off of us. Fat chance. Not while J. and I are married.

No gym today, I woke up early with tummy cramps and upset. It's better now, but I still feel sort of weak and run down. In a little while, I've got to go find a pair of swim shoes that fit better. I need to wear them with my fins, to keep them from rubbing this awful blister on my toe. The pair I borrowed from J. are ok, but too big, and they make the fins a little tight.

Saturday, July 31, 2010

weekly swim log

3650 yards swum for the week. I went 5 days in a row. Monday I was foiled by the child care being closed, then tuesday i had to get out after 8 laps because it was storming. So then I had to go an extra day to make up for Tuesday's short swim time. I ended up with more than I usually do. I sorta prefer to go on MWFSt, but I had to take what I could get this week.

Tuesday, July 27, 2010

Gah... it seems like everyone I know has either just given birth, or just gotten pregnant. It's making me so depressed about TTC right now. *sigh* Just needed to get that off my chest.

I read Taking Charge of Your Fertility recently, and I am hoping that will help us out this month. I'm pretty sure yesterday or the day before was O day, and we got in several, um, good tries, so to speak. So we'll see if it happens this time.

I keep being foiled in my attempts to go to the gym so far this week. Yesterday the child care was closed when we got there, then today I had to get out early because there was thunder. Hopefully tomorrow will go well. I only got 8 laps in today.

Saturday, July 24, 2010

exercise, et cetera

3500yds this week at the pool. I broke down today and got myself some swim goggles, I think I will really enjoy them. I'm tired of the chlorine hurting my eyes. All the other serious lap swimmers have them. I feel a little, I dunno, silly sometimes. I'm slow, and fat, and I wear an old lady swim suit (yes, with floral print AND a skirt). But I keep telling myself that's not what matters. Being there, and doing the exercise that makes me feel best and is good for my body is what matters.

I've felt very tired and irritable and sort of defeated this week. Burnt out. In need of a break. its been one of those weeks when I really question whether or not I could really handle having another child. R's nearly two, and still not sleeping well at night. I get up in the morning already all grouched out and exhausted from him being up and down and nursing on me all night. It makes me short tempered and impatient, which I then feel guilty about. He gets up with so much energy, and is immediately into everything, while I'm struggling to be awake. I haven't even had much interest in knitting, although I think that is because I'm not loving the project I am currently working on. I need to just get it finished and over with so I can make something else that I like. I wish we could get out of the house, and out of town for a few days, but J. can't get time off right now, and doesn't want to go just for the weekend. But I really need to get out of this house and out of our routine for a while. I feel like I'm losing my mind some days. I feel so inadequate as a parent, and overwhelmed by R. even though he's a really good kid. I haven't been away from the house overnight since March. R. and I took those two short day trips to the beach while J. was gone, and that's been it.

J's really dissatisfied with work, scheming about the future. and it's so hard for me to discuss what-if's with him. It seems so pointless. We don't know where his next assignment is going to be, and even if he turns it down, we'll be here another 13 months. If he doesn't turn it down, he'll have to reenlist and we'll move in 10-11 months. He's constantly wavering and waffling about what he wants to do, and it's almost more than I can take, it's so stressful for me. The not knowing. Trying to discuss things what we can't really plan for. He just makes the proclamations, like 'we'll have to go live with my mom because we're going to be so poor.' I don't even know how to respond to that. It makes me sick. I'll take R. and move back to TN alone before I live with his mom. And um, don't you plan on working once you're done with the USAF? Then sometimes he wants to talk about going out and living on a boat. *lalalalala, I'm not hearing this*

Saturday, July 17, 2010

weekly swim log, etc.

3400 yards this week. Today I did 1000yds, plus lunges and pull ups in the water. Then this afternoon I mowed the back yard. talk about some tired legs! I feel myself getting stronger though. I don't think I am shedding many pounds yet, cause I'm not cutting out the junk food snacks the way I should.

It's that time of year again. Figs. There are hundreds of them, and I can only pick a small fraction because the tree is so huge. The chickens gorge on what falls from the upper branches. Squirrels and birds come from all over the neighborhood to feast. We've been getting a good bit of rain this month and it has really brought them on. A second wave will probably ripen next month as well. I bought a food dehydrator in honor of the occasion. It was just 20$ at Aldi. Seems to be working just fine so far. I'm drying figs and some cayenne peppers today.

AF found me again this month. I'm trying not to stress about it, and adopt a "let it happen whenever" mentality. It's hard though. I've almost decided at this point, it might just be better to wait. I feel so conflicted and confused about the whole situation. J. wants to keep trying for a few more months. He doesn't seem especially worried one way or the other, at least not when we've talked about it.

Saturday, July 10, 2010

weekly exercise log

3450 yards swum this week! Almost 2 miles!!

I've been trying to go 4 times a week, and swim a minimum of 15 laps, which is 750 yards. Some of my friends and I started a weightloss support group, and that has really got me motivated to get back to the gym. They have also done some nice improvements to the pool at the Y and it's a lot more user friendly now. And I really enjoy swimming. I don't enjoy the treadmill. Maybe I will start to see some of the weight drop soon. I still need to work on my stress eating. It's a problem.

Friday, July 2, 2010

Wednesday, June 30, 2010

busy times

This last week has been BUSY! I've started back at the gym, swimming laps now, instead of that awful sweaty cardio that I plugged along at for months. So far since Monday, I have swum 2100 yards. I can feel it in all my muscles.

I've also finished a really cool new project for the shop:

the inside, lined in fabric

All 4 pullets are laying now, and I'm really having to hustle eggs. But that's good, that's why we wanted to get more hens. The garden is doing ok. I saw some baby cantaloupes this evening, and lots of peppers and cherry tomatoes.

Wednesday, June 23, 2010

The Adjustment Period

It's taking a while to get used to having daddy back home with us. Especially integrating him back into our nighttime routine. R. doesn't want to give up his half of the bed, but he doesn't want to sleep in his own bed either. So we've had some very rough nights. I've been starting him out in his own bed, then bringing him to ours when he wakes. But then he's not wanting to settle back down, because he's dissatisfied with the amount of sleeping space he has now. So the last couple nights he's ended up going down and sleeping at the foot of the bed between us. I worry about him falling off the bed down there though. The first 24 hours or so that he was home, R. freaked out whenever daddy left his sight. But he seems to have settled down, and realized we're getting back to the normal day to day routine we had before daddy left. Now if only he would sleep at night...

I'm having to adjust to having another adult in the house too. One that leaves doors open, fans off, scissors laying where toddlers can reach them. One that hides my dish soap by leaving it outside, tracks mud through the house, and wants to stay up half the night having sex. He has been very sweet and very helpful and loving since he got home though, for all his mess making. And it's great to have another adult to talk to again. It's really good to have my best friend back at my side.

Today R.'s had the stomach flu again. I think he picked it up from one of the other kids at LLL yesterday morning. It's been rough, he's blowing out all his diapers, and he puked all over the place this afternoon. Luckily he went down for a nice long nap, and that gave me a break and a chance to wash diapers.

3 of the 4 pullets are laying now, and the garden is doing moderately well. Squash Vine Borers got all our squash and zucchini after just a few weeks of fruit bearing, and the volunteer pumpkin. Peppers are doing well, as are the beans, and the tomatoes, okra, and the cantaloupe plants are very healthy looking, they are also starting to flower. The broccoli never produced, it was too hot too early here for it. The pullets ate every last blackberry before they ripened, and the blueberries too. We ate the last of the potatoes, which were very good, and we're thinking about doing more in the fall.

Saturday, June 19, 2010

On His Way Home

Our 6 weeks are almost up, and daddy is on his way home. We expect him in Sunday night or Monday morning. Since the wasp incident our week has been uneventful. I baked lots of cookies on Wednesday, for a bake sale. I used the batter from the zucchini cookie recipe, and added in other yummy things. Thursday and Friday we relaxed a bit and I got started cleaning up the house a bit. Today I had to install locks on all the closet doors and the door to the spare bedroom because R has mastered the door knobs and there's no keeping him out. He wants to ransack everything, then pitches a tantrum when he's thwarted. He's pretty much rolled from one upset to another today. It's barely past noon, and I'm already worn out by it. Counting the hours until daddy is home...

Tuesday, June 15, 2010

wonder what will happen next?

While I was mowing the backyard this morning R. got stung by a wasp, right on the palm of his left hand. Poor baby boy can't get a break lately. Luckily he doesn't seem to be highly allergic to wasps. I was able to pack it in baking soda paste and kill the pain pretty quickly, then we went to the closest pharmacy and bought some Benadryl and hydrocortizone cream. He napped for two hours and now he seems fine. I'm left wondering what other accidents will befall us before daddy comes home. At least I was able to finish the back yard while he napped before it got too hot.

The heat index has been over 100 here for days now. I have to water the garden ever evening, it still looks sad and hot though. Well, the squash does anyway. We have no AC in our car, and it's miserable to go anywhere after about 10 in the morning until late in the evening. I missed my chance to go to the store this morning, so now we'll have to go this evening, or first thing in the morning tomorrow.

Monday, June 14, 2010

mini rant

I feel really plagued by idiots today. It's making me feel like my head will explode. WHY are people so stupid? And so freaking argumentative? What makes people have to argue with EVERYTHING anyone says? OMG it's hella annoying!

Sunday, June 13, 2010

The Verdict Is...


I followed the recipe exactly, plus threw in some chopped pecans. Barbara Kingsolver, you are a cooking baking genius ! The whole wheat flour makes them hold together really well, and the honey flavor is subtle and not too sweet they way white sugar can be. It also keeps the cookies from becoming so crunchy and brittle. You can see the zucchini, but you can't really taste it. Hidden vegetables, I love it! And so will my picky toddler :) I will admit, I was a little leery while I was making them. But YUM! This is soooooo a keeper!

A recipe I want to try

(Makes about two dozen)
1 egg, beaten
½ cup butter, softened
½ cup brown sugar
1/3 cup honey
1 tbsp. vanilla extract
Combine in large bowl.

1 cup white flour
1 cup whole wheat flour
½ tsp baking soda
¼ tsp salt
¼ tsp cinnamon
¼ tsp nutmeg
Combine in a separate, small bowl and blend into liquid mixture

1 cup finely shredded zucchini
12 oz chocolate chips
Stir these into other ingredients, mix well. Drop by spoonful onto greased baking sheet, and flatten with the back of a spoon. Bake at 350°, 10 to 15 minutes.

This recipe comes from Barbara Kingsolver's book Animal, Vegetable, Miracle and I think it sounds really good. I've been wanting to try it out, I just keep putting if off because it's so hot in the house already, without the oven on. I've got zucchini here to use today though, and I may break down and make them before the day is over.

Saturday, June 12, 2010

well yuck

Yesterday was another really rough day to be a solo mama. Robbie had his first stomach virus. Diarrhea, vomiting, fever, the works :( Initially I thought he was having an allergic reaction to something he ate yesterday, but when the vomiting and fever started, that got ruled out. He slept a good deal of the afternoon, and yesterday evening I got him to eat a popsicle and drink some water. He kept that down, and I let him nurse as much as he wanted after that (earlier he had been throwing the breast milk back up). We had a decent night's sleep, and he seems to be feeling some better this morning, even though he got up insanely early. He ate part of a popsicle and has been eating on a cracker and drinking some water successfully. I'm praying that I don't get it today. Counting down the days until daddy is home, hopefully no more sickness or injury.

Thursday, June 10, 2010

I finished another project this week. A silver evening bag lined with blue/purple/cream fabric:

I need to start a new project, I just haven't decided for sure what to work on next. probably another cotton tam for the shop.

We had another fun trip to the beach yesterday. We went with a friend of mine and her 2 kidos. There was much splashing and digging of sand. R. really loves being in the water. He was letting himself float a little bit yesterday. He would hold on to me and let his legs float up behind him, keeping his face out of the water and kick. Next year he can probably learn to swim. He wont relax to float on his back yet though. It scares him a bit.

Sunday, June 6, 2010

End of week 4

It's the end of week 4 and today was a busy day! I mowed the front AND back yards, plus ran the weedeater all through the garden. Go me! It looks so much better. The back had really grown up in the last week. I did it early this morning, and let R. play outside, then during his nap I finished the front. I also did several loads of laundry, plus dishes. The house still looks like a wreck, but tomorrow I can do inside work. Tuesday we have a playdate here, then Wednesday I think we are going back to the beach with a friend. Thursday another play date, then Friday Le Leche League. Then it will be the weekend again, and one week until daddy is home.

OH! One of my pullets is laying now! I am so proud! It's a tiny little half sized thing, so cute!

I've been eating more eggs lately. I'll make a one egg omelet for breakfast with some ham, and eat it on a roll. I think the protein keeps me going, and keeps me from being snack-ish throughout the day. The fresh eggs don't seem to upset my stomach the way store bought eggs do.

Thursday, June 3, 2010

Is it really Thursday?

Tuesday we went back to the doctor, and it looks like R.'s hand is healing well. Today is the first day we are going to try going bandage free. He's been a champ about the whole thing. Only a couple of incidents with him pulling the bandage off.

Trying valiantly to finish the baby blanket by Saturday. I feel like I can get it done, if R. lets me work today and tomorrow. I'm having trouble focusing though, I feel really run down today. I'm back on my insomnia cycle right now, stress and anxiety triggered I think. I wake up having flashbacks and then can't get my mind to calm back down. I tried getting up last night, but R. wasn't resting well either. So I ended up staying in bed with him and eventually falling back asleep after a couple of hours, I lost track of the time. Lack of sleep makes me such an awful person after a couple of days. I'm mean to my husband on the phone, have NO patients at all with my child, no coping skills. I'm afraid to take anything because R. still sleeps with us, and wakes throughout the night. I don't feel safe taking a sleep aid. All that's to say, hopefully I'll get the blanket done. I'm at a point now that it's not as big as I would like, but it would be big enough if I didn't get much more done to it. Of course there is the finishing, but that won't be too, too much.

We've been getting a good amount of squash and zucchini from the garden the last week. So much I had to pitch a squash yesterday, and make some zucchini bread to use it up. I still have one zucchini left to use today or tomorrow. I have no idea what I'll fix for dinner tonight though. I've been having soup for lunch lately, and fish for dinner. I could kinda use a break from fish, but I don't know what else I might fix. Maybe spaghetti. I could use the zucchini in the sauce, and I have some lovely mushrooms. Plus R. will usually eat that. He hasn't been eating much the last few days.

Sunday, May 30, 2010

Stash Buster

Haven't posted about knitting lately... I have been busy though! Working on a stash buster receiving blanket. Stash buster means I'm only using stashed yarn, so no going out and buying new yarn for this one. Fan and Feather, 4 lines of color, soft acrylic baby yarn.

Trip to the Beach

Took R. to the beach at Ft. Fisher yesterday, we had a really good time. I was nervous about taking him on that kind of trip alone, because he's such a wild man and rarely obeys me. But he did well. We played in the sand a good bit, until the water had calmed down and we were able to go out into the ocean and splash and play. Once he got over his initial fear, he loved being in the water and didn't want to get out, even though he was cold and tired. My legs are sore and exhausted from chasing him up and down the beach in the loose sand. We got sand on every inch of everything we brought with us, and in every crevice of our bodies. I'm still picking it out of my hair and from behind my ears. I wish it was just a little closer. 2hours to Wilmington, 2.5 hours to Ft. Fisher. We're talking about going camping down there for a week when J. comes home.

And speaking of that... I'm starting to feel like this 6 weeks apart is going to be good for J. and I. I'm really gaining a lot of confidence in myself. I've been taking care of everything, and handling it all pretty well. The yard looks good, and the garden is doing well. I've taken care of R. and his injury, kept the house clean, laundry done, dishes, etc. And J. is missing us terribly. I think he will come home appreciating me a lot more, when he used to take a lot that I do for granted. He's been much sweeter and nicer on the phone than usual. He keeps telling me how much he misses my cooking and how lonely he is. How much he needs me, how beautiful I am... certainly haven't heard that in a long time.
This is the end of week 3, so we are now half way through. R.'s behavior is a little better, but we're still having a big issue with him hitting me. Hard. With whatever he happens to be playing with at the moment. Last night he slammed a drawer from the field desk down on my foot. Today it was a plastic spoon to the arm. Usually it's his big plastic train. I'm just not sure what to do about it. It's really unacceptable though.

Wednesday, May 26, 2010

Our First Trip to the ER

Of course this would happen while daddy is gone. Murphy's Law or something. R. burned his hand on the oven rack last night. It had been baking at 450, and he reached out and grabbed the rack while I was taking dinner out. Once we were able to get the pain knocked down a notch or two, and I got him calmed, we trundled up to the ER to have it looked at and get some first aid supplies. Silverdine cream, and bandages. He's got a blister the size of a grape on his palm, and a smaller one on his thumb.

the big blister last night:

the bandage this morning:

Saturday, May 22, 2010

End of week 2, and OMG, it couldn't come soon enough. This has been a really rough week. Today has probably been the best day of the week so far, in terms of R's behavior and my coping skills. He boycotted his nap, and that makes me worried about tonight. I really kicked it at the gym this morning, and this afternoon I could really have used the quiet time, or a nap myself. No way that's happening now. He's really revved up.
This has been a bad week in terms of stress eating too. I've been trying to counter it by being really active and getting lots of exercise. But when it comes down to it, I would rather eat chocolate than exercise when I am feeling stressed and worn out. I do like the way I feel after I exercise, but it's usually no fun while I'm at it. I've also been trying to do a lot of positive visualization, although I can't tell that it's helping all that much. I have been doing awesome on my water drinking this week though, I feel like I might float away. Or that I should just camp out in the bathroom because I have to pee constantly. I've been drinking 80-100oz of water just during my workouts. It's nice because it gives me a 60-90 second break to go and refill my water bottle and stretch a bit. No gym tomorrow, but if the weather is nice, I'm going to take R. to the park in the morning and that will be a work out in itself. Hopefully we are meeting a friend there, that will make it a little less lonely.
Really missing J. this afternoon. Need one of his hugs.

Wednesday, May 19, 2010

Up and Down Day

Today started out horrible. No sleep again last night. Grumpy, defiant, snotty toddler. But once I finally got him down for a nap, I went outside and triumphed over my lawn! I was able to figure out how to use the weed whacker, so I got the garden trimmed up, AND I got the front yard mowed, including the strip along the outside of the hedge. It was good exercise, and I feel so proud of myself for getting it done.

I've also started using this site called to help me track what I eat, and how much I exercise, to help me get my weight loss goals back on track. So far I haven't had any trouble staying in the calorie/carb/fat/protein guidelines they set up, and I exceeded the exercise goal today, which was great. I'm not using their meal plans, because baby and I have food allergies, and I like being able to pick and choose whatever I want.

I got beans, potatoes, and a zucchini out of the garden today! Plus lettuce for a salad tonight with dinner. WFD: new potatoes and green beans, fresh salad, salmon patties.

Tuesday, May 18, 2010

Period found me again this month. Boo :( Looks like now we won't get to try again until late June/early July.

R. hasn't been sleeping well the last 3 days and it's taking it's toll on me. I feel really run down today. He's not napping again, after two wonderful months of afternoon naps. So that means I get NO break from him all day. And he's been up and down all night the last two nights. Today he got up insanely early and wouldn't go back to sleep. He's had massive amounts of snot for days now, from teething and allergies. But on the bright side he's learning so, so, soo many new words right now, it's incredible. Yesterday he picked up horse, pig, cow, and chicken. Can you tell we've been reading about farm animals? The day before it was frog, and rain. Right now he's standing at the back door, poking cheerios out the crack for our chickens and they are mobbing them! It's absolute cuteness!

Sunday, May 16, 2010

One Week Down, Five to Go

I have a confession, I have only really cooked once this week (PF Chang's Orange Chicken, mmmm). I've been eating frozen stuff most of the week, or like last night I broke down and ordered Papa Johns. I've GOT to get back into the swing of cooking, but it's been so hard with J. gone. R. doesn't eat much, and mostly he likes rice cakes with hummus, cheese, apples, things that I don't have to cook. I'm just not that motivated to cook a whole meal for myself, then have to clean it up too. I know I should be doing better.

My house is a mess, I have people coming over for a playdate tomorrow, and I am so unmotivated to clean. I also really need to mow parts of the yard soon. Maybe today while R. naps. His naps are my only me time, and I always end up spending them racing around to get stuff down, then being exhausted at the end of the day. Yesterday it took me 50 minutes to get him down for a nap, then he only slept for an hour. Usually it's a lot easier, but I got almost nothing done during that time.

BFN this morning, but AF isn't due until tomorrow. Sooooo, waiting again this weekend. Reeeally hoping for a BFP this time, but trying not to get myself all psyched up like last month. No pms'y symptoms, but I haven't felt pregnant either. No spotting of any kind.

Wednesday, May 12, 2010

So far this week has been kinda slow. We've been playing outside a lot. I made R. a homemade sand box out of a shallow storage bin, he thinks it's fabulous!

We've been tending the garden, I have two baby squash, and one zucchini. Handfulls of ripe strawberries every day, and the cantaloupe plants are getting bigger.
J. will be arriving in TX today, after 4 long days on the road. Class starts tomorrow. We've been talking to him every day, which has been nice. So far, we're getting along ok without him. But it's hard doing everything I normally do, plus the stuff that he takes care of on a daily basis. Still dreading the yard work.

Sunday, May 9, 2010

byebye da

said goodbye this morning. trying not to wallow. the house feels too empty, too quiet. It was really hard this morning when R kept looking out the window, asking about da. I can't think about it too much or I get teary again. Right now it feels like a week day, and we're just waiting on him to come home from work. I turn my head when I hear a car door, even though I know it's just a neighbor, and not my husband. Resisting the urge to call. We're going to have pizza and a movie night with some of our friends tonight, maybe that will cheer me up.

Thursday, May 6, 2010

Feeling a little down this week, Joe's leaving this weekend for a school in TX for 6 weeks, and it will just be me and kido. Well, and the chickens and the dogs, which means we can't travel much while he's gone. It's so lonely here when he's not home. The days are ok, but nights and weekends are almost unbearable. Our daily schedule revolves so much around daddy that without him here, I'm just at a loss as to how to operate. Last time he was gone for an extended period of time was before I had the baby, so I was able to take care of things like the lawn/garden without trying to manage a toddler. How am I going to mow and use the weedeater and watch a toddler at the same time???? I can't let the yard go that long, the fenced in garden area is already looking shaggy and he isn't even gone yet. *sigh* I'm just feeling a little overwhelmed by it all right now.

This week we celebrated our one year anniversary as chicken keepers, which is pretty cool. I've been picking strawberries every day out of the garden, and there are dozens of blackberries ripening on the bushes. Our squash and zucchini are beginning to flower! Very exciting!

We gave TTC a good try this cycle, before he leaves. I've been a bit more, um, proactive this time. used opk's and tried the whole 'cup thing'. i really hope it takes this time! Another week or so before I can really test with any hope of accuracy.

I'm trying to night-wean the baby, and that's been hard, but i have to set some boundaries here, for my own sanity. it's slowly getting better i think. We have some good nights now, instead of all bad. We're not nursing between 12 and 5AM, the goal being to get him to stop waking up twice between those times. Sometimes he wakes, sometimes not. it's about 50/50 right now. Naps are getting better and longer too. i can actually lay him down and get stuff done, or even just have some *gasp* quiet time.

I'm giving up on car hunting for a while, maybe we can just get the AC fixed on the saturn and keep plugging along with it for a while. We've been hot and miserable already, and it's just early May.

Thursday, April 22, 2010

Happy Earth Day!

I celebrated by planting some flowers. I've been meaning to get them started for a while now, and keep forgetting or being too busy or tired.

Def. no pregnancy this month. We'll have next cycle to try, then Joe will be gone and we'll miss a cycle. By then it will be June, and that's really pushing the time frame we'd been hoping for. I'm really pretty disappointed about it right now. Hopefully it will all work out for the best. I'm trying (unsuccessfully I might add) not to worry about it, or get stressed out, because that will just make it harder. *sigh*

Today I was laying on the bed cause I felt bad, and Robbie started to climb on me. I told him, not right now, mama feels yucky. So he gave me kisses and snuggled up against me. *heart melt* I live for moments like this. Sometimes being a parent is the most amazing thing in the world.