Saturday, July 31, 2010

weekly swim log

3650 yards swum for the week. I went 5 days in a row. Monday I was foiled by the child care being closed, then tuesday i had to get out after 8 laps because it was storming. So then I had to go an extra day to make up for Tuesday's short swim time. I ended up with more than I usually do. I sorta prefer to go on MWFSt, but I had to take what I could get this week.

Tuesday, July 27, 2010

Gah... it seems like everyone I know has either just given birth, or just gotten pregnant. It's making me so depressed about TTC right now. *sigh* Just needed to get that off my chest.

I read Taking Charge of Your Fertility recently, and I am hoping that will help us out this month. I'm pretty sure yesterday or the day before was O day, and we got in several, um, good tries, so to speak. So we'll see if it happens this time.

I keep being foiled in my attempts to go to the gym so far this week. Yesterday the child care was closed when we got there, then today I had to get out early because there was thunder. Hopefully tomorrow will go well. I only got 8 laps in today.

Saturday, July 24, 2010

exercise, et cetera

3500yds this week at the pool. I broke down today and got myself some swim goggles, I think I will really enjoy them. I'm tired of the chlorine hurting my eyes. All the other serious lap swimmers have them. I feel a little, I dunno, silly sometimes. I'm slow, and fat, and I wear an old lady swim suit (yes, with floral print AND a skirt). But I keep telling myself that's not what matters. Being there, and doing the exercise that makes me feel best and is good for my body is what matters.

I've felt very tired and irritable and sort of defeated this week. Burnt out. In need of a break. its been one of those weeks when I really question whether or not I could really handle having another child. R's nearly two, and still not sleeping well at night. I get up in the morning already all grouched out and exhausted from him being up and down and nursing on me all night. It makes me short tempered and impatient, which I then feel guilty about. He gets up with so much energy, and is immediately into everything, while I'm struggling to be awake. I haven't even had much interest in knitting, although I think that is because I'm not loving the project I am currently working on. I need to just get it finished and over with so I can make something else that I like. I wish we could get out of the house, and out of town for a few days, but J. can't get time off right now, and doesn't want to go just for the weekend. But I really need to get out of this house and out of our routine for a while. I feel like I'm losing my mind some days. I feel so inadequate as a parent, and overwhelmed by R. even though he's a really good kid. I haven't been away from the house overnight since March. R. and I took those two short day trips to the beach while J. was gone, and that's been it.

J's really dissatisfied with work, scheming about the future. and it's so hard for me to discuss what-if's with him. It seems so pointless. We don't know where his next assignment is going to be, and even if he turns it down, we'll be here another 13 months. If he doesn't turn it down, he'll have to reenlist and we'll move in 10-11 months. He's constantly wavering and waffling about what he wants to do, and it's almost more than I can take, it's so stressful for me. The not knowing. Trying to discuss things what we can't really plan for. He just makes the proclamations, like 'we'll have to go live with my mom because we're going to be so poor.' I don't even know how to respond to that. It makes me sick. I'll take R. and move back to TN alone before I live with his mom. And um, don't you plan on working once you're done with the USAF? Then sometimes he wants to talk about going out and living on a boat. *lalalalala, I'm not hearing this*

Saturday, July 17, 2010

weekly swim log, etc.

3400 yards this week. Today I did 1000yds, plus lunges and pull ups in the water. Then this afternoon I mowed the back yard. talk about some tired legs! I feel myself getting stronger though. I don't think I am shedding many pounds yet, cause I'm not cutting out the junk food snacks the way I should.

It's that time of year again. Figs. There are hundreds of them, and I can only pick a small fraction because the tree is so huge. The chickens gorge on what falls from the upper branches. Squirrels and birds come from all over the neighborhood to feast. We've been getting a good bit of rain this month and it has really brought them on. A second wave will probably ripen next month as well. I bought a food dehydrator in honor of the occasion. It was just 20$ at Aldi. Seems to be working just fine so far. I'm drying figs and some cayenne peppers today.

AF found me again this month. I'm trying not to stress about it, and adopt a "let it happen whenever" mentality. It's hard though. I've almost decided at this point, it might just be better to wait. I feel so conflicted and confused about the whole situation. J. wants to keep trying for a few more months. He doesn't seem especially worried one way or the other, at least not when we've talked about it.

Saturday, July 10, 2010

weekly exercise log

3450 yards swum this week! Almost 2 miles!!

I've been trying to go 4 times a week, and swim a minimum of 15 laps, which is 750 yards. Some of my friends and I started a weightloss support group, and that has really got me motivated to get back to the gym. They have also done some nice improvements to the pool at the Y and it's a lot more user friendly now. And I really enjoy swimming. I don't enjoy the treadmill. Maybe I will start to see some of the weight drop soon. I still need to work on my stress eating. It's a problem.

Friday, July 2, 2010