Tuesday, July 2, 2013
in the stillness
Normally my day goes something roughly like this: Kids get up early, go hard all day, bed for them at 7, talk to J online all evening until bed, when he calls, sleep. Tonight he's busy with other stuff. I've had a whole 3 hours of complete quiet and solitude. No one needing my attention or requiring anything of me at all. It's been strangely pleasant. As much as I do miss him, tonight I am feeling sort of... content maybe? It's hard to put my finger on exactly what it is. I think I'm enjoying just being myself for a few hours. Not mommy, not wife. Just me. Very often I forget what that is like. That person I was before wife, and before mommy. It's sort of like, "oh, hello stranger. are you still in there?" In the quiet stillness, I heard her whispered answer. I've been struggling a bit lately with some feelings of identity loss. It's nice to know she's still with me.